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Jazz From The Other Side of The House

by The Acid Flashback at Nightmare Beach

/
1.
i let it out i let her down i forgot what it's about i forgot what it's about
2.
all the pigment fades away, that heart tattoo looks like a hand grenade the character that you portrayed looks like a stranger in many ways “you’d hate forever if you tried” so i’ll wait forever in this light you took down the lines before sunrise “i know what happens in your mind” and you sat around for days in a cold deluded haze hard to grow when nothings changed you’re a forest engulfed in flames burnt down, there’s nowhere left to hide you hate that this might be your life fucked up and spiraling through time i’m here no matter what you decide
3.
think you know me all wrong up all night write sad songs longing for a small win it consumes me again not like that in your head all alone, you drop dead there won't be a next time i don't think that we're fine did harmony korine direct this part of “my life’s a wreck” the show that i pretend i’m on whenever shit starts going wrong (it all goes wrong) you keep asking (it always does) no one's telling you a thing (it all goes wrong) cuz no one wants to hear (it always does) your fears and bullshit they don't think it's that bad i just felt like you should quit or grow a little bit i don't wanna make amends or tell you anything plus we won't own up to shit uh huh they don't understand when you can't go on and i can see that you’re asleep don’t wanna bother you wake your ass up all the time just like i always do this is how you write a song fuck that MKG dude i used to think pop punk was cool then i stopped eating baby food not like that in your head all alone, you drop dead there won't be a next time i don't think that we're fine it's clear that we forgot our lines and no one here can improvise it's time to pick what side you're on the second shit starts going wrong (it all goes wrong) the same question (it always does) slowly makes you lose your mind (it all goes wrong) and your reaction's (it always does) an isolated incident in time i can see that you’re asleep don’t wanna bother you wake your ass up all the time just like i always do triple platinum overnight bank account doesn't move i wrote this in my grandma's car recorded it inside there too not like that in your head all alone, you drop dead there won't be a next time i don't think that we're fine not like that in your head all alone, you drop dead there won't be a next time i don't think that we're fine
4.
i’ll never stop being tired of all the ways... two-hundred and forty some odd days... benevolent reactions to all the toxic shit you do hurt yourself in front of me then question why i never sleep that great when i’m in your bed i know who i am in your head i felt my lungs flare up i heard a ringing sound hope i don’t take too much and end up underground chewed enough to sink into the couch but couldn’t stop thinking about fucking someone else because that’d be against the rules our own dead end, where we steal jewels was all that we were ever longing for rock bottom’s got me shook to my fucking core awake and a little more aware it’s been a while since i’ve had that nightmare where you wake me up with buckshot and the last thing is see is the gun in your hand purgatory seems exciting these days but they’re all one in the same & there’s a screen that replays your nightmares in your nightmares nobody’s ever there and you start to care didn’t wanna walk on eggshells for the rest of my days on earth i just needed you to hold me and you vaporized my self-worth
5.
High Road 01:30
what’s the high road and where’s it even go don’t need to find out myself to know it probably blows i’m the funniest joke that no one wishes they wrote so i’ll just laugh at myself until i decompose while we wait around, i don’t want to watch you just fade out maybe i will wake up this time, but i don’t buy it, we lie iPhone’s dead, you think too much and smoke the same weed every day your mouth is dry, the coffees hot something else is wrong too but i forgot epitome of apathy i don’t think i’d be too pressed if you killed me we should wait to drive through kansas in the morning no street lights or gas for the next 240
6.
on the way home i became hopeful that i wasn’t the only one who changed over time but growth is never linear and i can’t describe how broken i’ve felt most days that i’ve been alive no matter how hard you try, nothing will turn out right all alone, forget the Christmas lights open up your fucking eyes admitting you were wrong but never in real life just in my dreams and the dream has died only communicate through silence, conversation deprived if it wasn’t for Judy, I would not be alive stopped eating acid, it’s like learning to crawl when life becomes lifeless, the thrill of it all slips out of your body and into the past a deal with the devil won’t bring any of it back wish there was a version of you that still exists like when I was a kid, but no manipulative shit thought making me upset with you was better than hating myself don’t know what to think right now cuz no one told me how I felt i’m afraid to talk when no one listens at all i’m afraid to call cause every time I fall isolate record this shit all day i've smoked 30 blunts this week but i still feel insane
7.
descending into hell but you’re just falling through the atmosphere that looks like the earth below but you still can’t get away from here the turbulence sure shook your core but now you’re prepared for some more the day gets worse, it just rains a little harder you get hurt, or you can get a little smarter or better at dealing with all the shit that makes you wish you did not exist you’re feeling stuck hard to admit how fucked up you are but you don’t think about it all that much unless you’re fuckin up again dad won’t text “you are” while you empty out cigars that’s the life you want under the stars the pale blue dot just gets a little farther as you drift out, it starts to get a little darker lose track of the years you spent weightless as you become one with the abyss waiting for life to happen finally for you had a bad day, tomorrow might just be one too the clock resets and all this starts over you’ve never even seen your first four leaf clover but the more you start to feel like you you get lost in the deja-vu the day gets worse, it just rains a little harder you get hurt, or you can get a little smarter or better at dealing with all the shit that makes you wish you did not exist Alley: time moving flat circle planet on my back turtle all of this weight that i place on my shoulders keeping me from leaping over the hurdle happiness reserve deserted awol dishonored service lookin upon this sapphire from space and still it elude me a higher purpose desire power so they step on you to get across feeling unintelligible fuck it let the pistol talk loop the routine everyday kin to Sisyphus til it’s ‘in memoriam’ my face across a picture board
8.
getting knocked off of a tidal wave, you would’ve ridden that high in the sunset it empties all your pockets for a pretty chunk of change and when it’s gone you wonder if it’s begun yet Lonny, you can do a lot better than spending all your time treating this like some endeavor this peak isn’t worth the climb this time is different, timings perfect, timing’s everything living out every scenario inside my fucked up brain it’s natural for a dying to leaf to be frightened by the autumn wind i’ll always play the dying leaf and you’ll be the tornado again i said that i’m strong enough to paddle my own canoe so of course you broke the oars in half and then i died for you we keep what’s given to us by giving it away but you never give anything so how can i just let you take now i’m emptier than i really knew that i could be and there is no love left or motivation here for me on the roof for the first time i don't check what time it is i already know the sun is coming up and i feel like shit i’ve ruined my own life more than you fuckers could ever try
9.
you should think about how those words sound no one’s always stuck this way a sefish thread unravels for days wait in doorways for something great? i’m good you tell yourself to stay in shape but that gets worse the more you waste into nothing like how your favorite food tastes a constant uphill battle for a peaceful summer day is something you shouldn’t be afraid to chase making plans to cancel them wide awake but sleeping in your head when conversations almost start they think that you’re not interested but you were and still don’t get how to not feel so left in the dark blinkers until i throw up the drive through kansas kinda sucks no appetite, can’t tell you why i bought a Big Hunk for the ride home again and down to my last cent never quite sure how it all gets spent rock bottom just sinks lower every year wasting time on several screens with frankie cat and sydney beans there’s nowhere else i’d rather be than here
10.
Down & Out 01:55
laid up in a hammock a blunt in your hand you like this you more and can’t understand where they go in your head when you need reminded you don’t need to die yet some days it subsides and it feels like a home in your skin that you loathed for a lifetime cry whenever you want and you lie the closer to home that you hid in a desperate attempt to cover up that you don’t get any of the things you need and nothing makes you wanna be present huffing air from other peoples mouths, not lost & found just down & out
11.
$40K 01:01
fucked around spent $40k on a recording and mixing degree but i think it's clear i didn't learn anything and that's why Billy mixed this album for me before that i accidentally picked some fights with some assholes that i thought i liked a year of panic attacks, you got the masters back there's a couple things that you still lack a quarter of weed for a quarter of the week that's barely enough for me you're always worried that you're just playing pretend not making anything that gets consumed by all your friends
12.
100 Rings 03:31
12:34 again and you’re not really that surprised that you’re awake and empty sorta used to not having any thoughts but you cracked a can of fucked up and let them free you hope no one else feels this dizzy when they start to think of all the times they bled in bathroom sinks or every tiny injury, to all the dreams that suddenly ceased to be bored and stoned looking through all the old messages in my phone and i realize the last time my brothers and sister talked to me was last may when i turned twenty three take that foot off the gas i love them out of the blue another 365 days go by and every time the mirror sees your face it can barely recognize who you are or if you’re alive but life is so many things we never even see infinite possibilities, graceful beginnings every night you forgot in your sleep i love them why’s it always feel like the ending again and you notice because the simulation’s fucked up but you’re doing a lot better than you were last year but you still feel stuck here or anywhere at all there’s still that fear of death i love it
13.
DPLB 02:33
everybody’s doing something i’m stoned on the basement couch i know no one would probably notice i need a replacement now to take over this existence that i fucked up and didn’t ask for anyway they could be a better Lonny than me even if i ever changed when the expectations are so high that as soon as you’re born, it’ll fix their lives but you throw a fit and then his shoe flies right past your head, all you do is cry does anything get better? am i still that little kid? that was terrified to call anyone on the fucked up shit they did well i still can’t tell my own dad when he makes me feel worthless and i don’t think there’s a strain that will ever make those things hurt less i fantasize about it too much disappearing but it’s real and never oversharing or explaining anything i feel but that won’t ever make me better it makes me cease to exist like every time i think i fuck up instinctively, i make a fist there might not be an afterlife where i can reminisce and who would take sydney’s glasses off her face to give her forehead a kiss
14.
the only thing you’ve meant that you said in the last nine god damn months was when you told them you needed space from them and then you let go all at once evaporating, you turn your head forgetting all those pretty words they said memories antagonize, red flags hidden under sheets of lies they loved when you could just be yourselves but now you’re running away from the past they don’t sell comfortable shoes down in hell you always wondered “how long could this last?” the coffee cups are so stained and brown charleston’s a fucking ghost town they won’t forget your voice, they love its sound white nikes with the blood stains, what a mess, i hate my skin i keep on having the same nightmare where i rip it open again white nikes with the blood stains, “you’re a mess, you’ll never win” i always find a silly reason i should tear it to shreds again white nikes with the blood stains, all i think about is them and finding spotted sheets of toilet paper in your bathroom trash can again white nikes with the blood stains, when i ask you where you’ve been you say “a lot of fucked up places” and “i’ll never love again” white nikes with the blood stains, i don’t know how to not think you hate me when you cut me off for the millionth time then you disappear again white nikes with the blood stains, sinking ship and i can’t swim i wouldn’t wanna weigh down your only life raft and make you hate yourself again at least we’re going fucking nuts in solidarity
15.
i must astral projecting the way i’m sinking through this bed when i said i couldn’t be here i meant until i’m dead this certain brand of psychedelics that’s become such a chore i thought i could be a sailor till’ i washed up on the shore i’m separation anxiety in the middle of the street that little familiarity in every person you meet the bright side of falling asleep while you drive is waking up wrapped in power lines i'm lonely feels like i'm taking blinkers in the backrooms always missing all the action why would i need to be present when you could just tell me what happened

credits

released May 19, 2023

Written, recorded, produced, and mixed by Lonny Starsky
Mastered by Billy Mannino
Not Like That! produced by Immortal
Pale Blue Dot features Alley
Down & Out music by Evan Hagar
Bright Side features Gavin McIntire
Album Artwork - Mark Tabar

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The Acid Flashback at Nightmare Beach Hillsboro, Illinois

JAZZ FROM
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE.

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