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1. |
It's Cool
03:11
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here for a shitty time, not a long time
pessimistically just waiting on the bad vibes
to catapult the night into a panic stricken fever dream
paralyzed by everything and i can’t even fucking scream
sinking feeling take me away,
all encompassing apathy
i can’t enjoy the things i love
everything just fucking sucks
in the morning all alone
just smoke a blunt then spray cologne
take that lighter out
inhale what you need to
deal with things i say
that make you less like you
and then you hate yourself
then whole day
and i just sit around
a clumsy fucking waste
what's even sending shivers down my spine?
the thought that i can't be around anyone tonight
without breaking down or freaking out
terrified by every sound
aren’t you worried when you finally see
the person you’ve been pretending to be
has taken over and started wearing the skin
that you had once felt comfortable in
such a long night
want to exist again
you wanna find yourself
but you don’t know anything
so once it dissolves you
get in the same thought loops
gotta stop feeling stuck
and just start being you
i’m just insecure
and so uncomfortable
everything that makes you miserable
reckless and endangering
myself with every choice i make
like burning bridges while it’s fucking raining gasoline
[trey brockman]
someday they’ll say the name
of everything i hate
and i won’t hesitate
tell them to shut their mouths
and walk away
it’s getting on my nerves
to know of my own worth
it’s cool, i know some friends who
got a place to hang with me
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2. |
Kick Rocks
03:01
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screaming in my fucking hands cuz i’m falling
down the steps when i try walking
let’s not do this right now, it’s always pooring
when i hear kick rocks and it’s three in the morning
yellow jacket sting
make me make believe
that this is all a dream
and i don’t have to leave
but all my shit’s in bags
and you’re locked in your head
probably pretty mad
'cause space is something you could never give
your drunken words are just your sober thoughts
you’re terrified to verbalize when you’re not this fucked up
through a megaphone that makes everything
sound like our shitty windows breaking
self inflicting wounds in two different rooms
"because it’s four am and i can’t deal with all six of your moods"
this is so ate up
this situation sucks
this isn’t love
we need to stop lying to both of us
just when i think you’re gonna dial it down again
blood drips from both my ears because you turned it up to ten
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3. |
Owen Wilson
03:21
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blowing out the candles on someone else’s birthday cake
along with your mistakes
old habits are so hard to break
i get staler every day
convinced myself i’m doing great
but i don’t know how this is ok
something will go wrong eventually
it always does and i’m left in the debris
can someone manage my thoughts or at the very least
seal them up in envelopes i’ll never open up and read
bats in the sky
flying around all night
and you love to solicit the
corners of my brain
the later it gets i think
i wanna die
somewhere fun tonight
soullessly tainted
this dump’s overrated
you act like i’m speaking japanese
i wish i could take it
but i need a wax nap
and another place where i can sleep
my laundry’s
the only
thing i’ve got
that isn’t piling up
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4. |
Goodnight Nobody
02:25
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toss and turn in your sleep
from the shit they keep making up
and you’ll keep convincing your silly brain that
this ain’t what’s got you so fucked up
humpty dumpty falling pretty casually
i’m in pieces and the pieces they surround me
this isn’t shelter, it’s the closest thing to hell
if i could hear over the screaming, i’d probably hear myself
lately i've been thinking
i should take up heavy drinking
you make my shiny stars stop even twinkling
cuz i don't have the stomach for it or you
there's puke dripping out my nose and i'm only two
beers balls deep into this bullshit night
where nothing makes sense, and i'm still dead inside
why did i chug that vodka when it got passed
i drank it for for three seconds and in three more i'll be on my ass
screaming at the walls and everything in between them
this is a whole thing
this is a whole thing
goodnight nobody
i kinda wanna pretend
i’m out of oxygen
and black out so i’m not conscious
for another fucking second of this
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5. |
Turaga Vakama
03:02
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beginning to think i need the mask of invisibility
making separate pots of coffee
the morning ritual at six am
wind burnt drives to work serve as precursors
to the last time i’ll see you again
but i must’ve loved the way you slammed my
head between the frame and the door
because there were way too many nights i spent
on your dirty bathroom floor
disregarding everything
there’s no medication we could take
to make this work
to make this last
i kicked rocks
after you kicked my ass
do the pictures i’m deleting
really hold any weight right now
other than all the storage space i end up paying for
in my head and the cloud
i just can’t have them in my camera roll
i’ll look through every fading memory while listening to self control
off an iphone speaker in this home that isn’t mine
i think i’m getting weaker all the time
this plagued forth street apartment became
the darkest depths of my own personal hell
(soft and sound)
according to you i built it all by myself just by sticking around
beginning to think i need the mask of invisibility
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6. |
Dragon Balls
03:14
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missing weekdays
sleeping in always just a little late
but i couldn’t complain
with this picture of you sleeping etched into my brain
how many different candles can we smell
in our lives
well let’s start by finding out how many we’ll light tonight
knowing seconds into the situation you wouldn’t tell the truth
we promised no more nightmares or feeling unwanted
you’re the cup of coffee i needed every morning
knowing seconds into the situation you’d probably do
something super fucked up but to to you it’s harmless
what’s so fucking hard about being honest?
i miss the warmth in every breath and
smoking bowls all morning with your head buried in my chest
my favorite thing that ever existed
wasn’t even real, i must have just dreamt it
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7. |
Calling Shenanigans
02:46
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i’m upside down
my brain has never been as scrambled as it is right now
but i’ll be fine
even though i’ve never been the same person my entire life
somethings wrong with me but i don’t give a shit anymore
cause i’m not terrified of life, i’m just afraid of getting bored
someone please write me out of the story
because i don't exactly like where it's going
and i really wish that i could leave it for a minute
even though i'm the only one that’s still in it
disappoint each
other regularly
but i’m wide awake
while you’re fast asleep
someone please write me out of the story
because i don't exactly like where it's going
and i really wish that i could leave it for a minute
even though i'm the only one that’s still in it
someone please write me out of the story
because i don't exactly like where it's going
and i really wish that i could leave it for a minute
even though i'm the only one that’s still in it
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8. |
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this couch is like an island in the middle of the sea
it’s not even comfortable and i really need to leave
but somethings wrong with my head and i think it’s preventing me
from ever getting closure or moving on from anything
and this whole place becomes nothing
but a tainted memory
bury the rest of those with my head in the sand please
so when the waves wash around me
i am stationary
instead of flailing
my limbs and body
i’ve never been solid
no i've never been anything
other than misused and thrown away
i’ve never been solid
no i've never been anything
other than misused and thrown away
you touch me as the light fades
from the room and i pretend i’m sleeping
while i search for the words to try to fix this
but i think we both know those words don't exist
can't take away your hopelessness
i'm drowning in my own
can't pretend you're the same person who
made me feel at home
when every feeling's temporary
i've felt this thing i knew i would
it starts to fade with time
but never goes away for good
it’s cool
it’s cool
[devi*n]
they set my soul on fire
i let these poems extinguish my inner soul desires
and all the quote unquote rejects the ones that i admire
so fuck a nightmare, i live it
and now this music shit like mental calisthenics
and if i say it then i meant it
and when it’s cemented, man good luck
feel like i’m frantic in the moment,
but my conscious know what’s next up
shout that nigga owen too,
he told me i ain’t going nowhere as long as i’m blue,
so i’ll speak it until i know it’s true
no need to fill the silence
when someone knows you way too well
you can feel an existential crisis
on the water slide to hell
you’re the devil on your own shoulder
saying you should go get fucked
up on anything you find
but anything is not enough
it’s time to think about it, all you’ve never had
over early morning coffee and burning blunt wraps
as times ticking, you notice things
about yourself that over the last year have changed
all of your friends live in magical far away lands
and you’re stuck in illinois with a distinct lack of plans
how wonderful and relaxing and other words that i can’t think
of right now having a happy place must be
"stop pretending to be happy alex"
the nightly dialogue
old polaroids that you don’t want
lit on fire all night long
i feel just as shitty as i did back then
and all i can do is wonder when
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9. |
Moonwalking Champion
04:31
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out of town receptions
just in time for dead end dreams
seeing your reflection wavering
in the summer heat
a day in bed’s a day well spent
kicking memories around, instead of rocks
inside my head
that i’m too sick to forget
if you left so easily, then everybody near to me
will want to do the same without any restraint
ain’t that a kicker when theres nothing left to do
except for watching candles flicker, dying just like me and you
you lock yourself in truck stop bathrooms
cause you can’t deal with the view
of seeing anything the interstate
just has to offer you
the only time you would conclude that you didn’t want to die
was when we’d smoke too many blunts and inevitably get too high
how do you think of someone in a positive light
when every word, text or shoulder shrug becomes a fight
run away tonight
i'll retreat under the covers where the moon can never speak
and i would listen to the sun, but it never talks to me
so i'll take one for the morning and i'll take one for the night
because i can see the stars and i still don’t feel alright
it seems like all things tragic start with an eclipse
and if the sun can disappear then i'm scared for the end of this
will i rise to heaven or fall back down to the earth
will your trip be pleasant?
i guess we get what we deserve
they say that nothing gets better when you hold onto the blue
now i’m just as cold as you
i don't know the words to say
an outcast in a menagerie
struggling for identity
but you left me breathless, staggering
washed your hair out of the sink
memories spun down so slowly
a parasite in your bones
deeply rooted to the feeling that youll never know
standing all alone on this palette again
expelling the leeches thriving on the end
and the shame they brand from within
burns the shape of an 'a' on your skin
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10. |
Toadstool Tearjerker
05:31
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always igniting little sparks
at the loneliness felt in the dark
when it’s too late and everybody’s asleep
except for the moon, this blunt
the tv and me
why do we constantly turn to the darkest thoughts?
our brains just tend to fuck us up
and sleeping it off isn’t an option
when your only contribution in other lives are problems
how many miles, how many hours alone?
how many nights glued to this fucking phone?
how close am i to killing myself tonight?
how many times will that thought cross my mind?
i really wish my mind would be
an open book at least for me
the things i thought in my own head
were gonna damage me until the end
of time and i don’t know when
that could even be but i’m still broken
and running away from my problems seems to be
a recurring theme
i need lobotomized as soon as fucking possible
the memories i have just started feeling so awful
fuck that hopeless miserable night
when you told me i’ll be by myself my entire life
a whole lot
a whole lot of running
a whole lot
a whole lot of running away
slamming on the brakes
but the lights never flashed
choking back mistakes
and running low on gas
something you could take
to take away the past
but it already happened
so let’s just leave it at that
if this was a puzzle i wouldn’t waste the time
putting the pieces back together, my perfect shrine
to you i built in the corner of my mind
and i ran there but tripped because i'm always behind
and it started collapsing like in the first indiana jones
movie you never watched with me that night i was alone
because you said you got off late but never come back home
i stayed up pretty late that night
and every night for those last two weeks
i dealt with shit i thought i could change
but someone slamming your head into doors isn’t something that needs solving anyway
a whole lot
a whole lot of running
a whole lot
a whole lot of running away
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The Acid Flashback at Nightmare Beach Hillsboro, Illinois
JAZZ FROM
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE.
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