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1. |
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a waste of space drowns into
lakes of lucid flames
the party kids are screaming next door to where you’re sleeping
as soon as it gets dark out, there’s no time for dreaming a thing
you lose 100 rings
desolation beyond compare when you were unaware
of how to deal with anything so you’d just sit and stare
pull the bodies out of the lake
warm them up no matter what it takes
branches aflame, dance in a maze
burnt bright reds just like all of our days
there are no more
apples to slice
and the time ticks away
so nothing’s alright
love just
ruins our shape and minds
the tree roots
with no ending in sight
horses running
til they forget what they are
just like us under the stars
when i got possessed by your light
and figured out
what it really meant to be alive
last september seemed more like polaroids
i glanced at peripherally
instead of actual days that happened
then disappeared into the void, that’s me
i’m wrong again
you’ll never get to see the lives you changed
the picture in my car i look at every fucking day
it’s just a little too bright outside
like the yellow roses
at your funeral
you said my voice was just like drowning but you’re fine
“like floating underwater with an unlimited supply
of oxygen,
go make some friends,
and you’re the one who’s gonna make it shine”
never felt less in my element than on stages
the earth could definitely use more Paiges
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2. |
Lacuna
02:09
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can’t lick your fingers cause one hand’s on the sawed-off
smoke & tequila on your breath and then you scoff
“there’s nowhere you can go cause nobody ever wants you”
kinda hurts but it makes a lot of sense too
“i could fuckin’ die and nobody’d ever notice”
you play the martyr and you already know this
just malingering psychosomatic
symptoms in the end it wasn’t that climactic
fear, obligation, guilt and your terror
when it comes to the worst news, you’re usually the bearer
blackmail the earth with your hands behind your back
it’s effortless, your powertrip-esque payback
the future isn’t real and the past just repeats
but i like this right now in your passenger seat
it’s not very fun living your life
with that underlying fear that you’re just gonna die
trade oxygen for nicotine so the car can drive
until the sun comes up to execute this night
a whole lot of running got me right here
a year away from the beach and it’s still unclear
when i’ll finally stop waking up
at three in the morning, covered in blood
not considering for a second that it’s someone else’s nightmare we’re all inside of
feels like shattering your shins
on the walk back home
getting tied to train tracks
wrong place, worst time, but there’s no where else to go
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3. |
Welcome to the Shit Show
05:13
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holding out for three in the morning
just so i might get
the chance to sleep on your futon again
and wake up with back problems
you know they want it too but they don’t want it now
and you can’t even think out loud
whenever they’re around
their presence invites the darkest thoughts your brain will allow
they’ll drive around the lake
your teeth dangling from their necklace
they’ll ask “where’s the head?”
it’s in the freezer for breakfast
all the reckless overzealous ways they jump to just point out
how i’m a major fuck up and i don’t think that i’ll beat around
the bush this time, hiding in it, make it out of this alive
as soon as you start snoring, the car needs to be in drive
the thought of crashin, always passin
through your head
until you park
and sometimes stationary’s
not the worst state
when you’re in the dark
you’re so panicked, manic, and
just kinda wishing you would die
it just gets worse, no one deserves
this hollered hollow goodbye
maybe you’ll just wallow in
whatever’s left until it rots
just cause you’re a dumbass and you
never could connect the dots
you don’t wanna keep running
but you think you gotta
you make the soundtrack for your own life
and it fucking haunts ya
it’s like midwest sunsets
and twinkly guitars
were made for holding one another
in their gas soaked arms
no matter who’s around
you just shrink in your bedroom
conspiracies about how
everyone hates you
they can’t just repeat it,
they explain themselves
one million times
no one can help
if you don’t even know how you feel, aren’t you just full of shit
and if we can’t tell what parts are fake,
best to suspect it’s all of it
because if you don’t even know how you feel, aren’t you just full of shit
and if we can’t tell what parts are fake,
best to suspect it’s all of it
they stole a gold coin
but it was chocolate
thought it was real
until it melted in their pocket
they stole a gold coin
but it was chocolate
thought it was real
until it melted in their pocket
vacations useless
without the vices
like something green to make me sleep
instead of write this
irretrievable contemplations
pack your bags, i think something’s about to happen
these last few days are among the happiest
i’ve ever ignored
they remind me of moonrise kingdom and hanging out offshore
saying something differently
but i’m still calling your bluff
you rewrite history
just ain’t interesting enough
see yourself somewhere else
but in a brighter light
time to disengage with all the things
that keep you up at night
welcome to the shit show, i’m impossible to miss
right under a neon sign that just says “abyss”
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4. |
Pink Flamingos
01:29
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grab them by their hair and then start to pull it
down the neon pink stairs that lead out
into the world that’s still covered in shrapnel
just like the hole inside your stomach now
riding through the desert, an imaginary shore
is the only constant inside of their mind
pretty meaningless in hindsight
the lack of trees freaks you out
there’s too much sand all around
but without any waves,
it just seems so desolate
and your muffled cries
sound so desperate
peace falls on you for a minute
when you deprive them all their senses
they blame you for becoming unhinged
and every mile you gave them
shrunk down to an inch
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5. |
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tell me if you like this one
and i’ll tell you what
substance it came from
while i’m coughing up blood
i’m the kind of disappointment
that you find in the end
like automatic happy birthdays
from your dead friends
all you hear
are several disembodied voices
saying you should disappear
and it’s a thought that’s crossed your mind
a couple hundred, no more probably like
a million fucking times
everybody needs me
but i’m a whole lot of empty
the luminous abysmal,
down in hell, there aren’t high places
why do my thoughts seem so simple?
why can’t i remember faces?
the last to bat every time
and the least participative
the first to completely shut down
and enter a state of dissociation
a contract with three strings attached
then they walked all over you
like a human welcome mat
no one fucks up more than me
at least not this consistently
bombs away for the day, body tremblin'
gotta play monopoly and cheat a little bit
rise and fall just like the tide
but don’t get pulled in all your life
you’ll drown in thoughts that belong to you
but down this deep, you can’t tell it’s blue
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6. |
Shadowban
06:43
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trembling are the hands
that simply fall down at the side
of another loveless dumpster fire
on the sharpened edge of a sleepless night
breaking the first rule,
but it was you the whole time
turn your own body into a landslide
and took out half the houses you liked
abandoned submarine
take me right back to the top
or at least a little higher,
wasn’t ready for the drop
you pray to something but don’t think that it’s god
and you talk to yourself but you don’t talk a lot
cause the future isn’t promised
and the past already passed
but it’s all “all good”s when no one else can tell
you skipped three meals today and you don’t feel that well
ponder eternally why you don’t like yourself
conclude you feel the same as everyone else
the cyclical feeling we couldn’t shake
something in our heads is bound to break
the sick little feeling they never thought they’d hate
somethings gotta give but you’re just gonna take
they’re all talk and you’re all cool
bit off too much but we still chew
words they love to misconstrue
try to pull apart the pages but they’re covered in glue
every december when it starts to snow
go back to thinking bout smoking on the couch alone
when you got pulled into their undertow
where they just fuck you and leave you without a home
wave forms of a racehorse
their footsteps grow deafening
(and shatter your dreams)
feels like a flood
and you can tell by the taste that it’s blood
the quintessential fuck up strikes again
twisted metal, shattered glass, and more dead friends
loose leaf, branched out
“i think i’m all the things
you never wanna talk about”
avalanche, falling down
“no matter where we are
i’ll always dream of mushroom clouds”
you keep wishing you were five years late
so you leave your fear of missing out at home, cause it can wait
throw a candle at the tv cause the news depresses you
and douse the past in gasoline so you can burn it down too
laughter dissipates once all the smoke begins to clear
spend a lifetime high together just so we can disappear
i can’t see me happy again
because the next disaster is always around the bend
no one fucking knows what they want right now
glass five year plan smashed on the ground
starts with a drop
til you can’t turn it off
and you’re hanging out the window
from a piece of of cloth
forgetful, maybe a little
underprepared and overwhelmed
someone’s always dreaming about playing charades
trying to guess what people do or if it means anything
maybe it’s nothing just like everything else
but why would anyone think i could possibly help
i guess we’re in a simulation,
these are not manifestations
the world ended in 2012
the only way to save ourselves
creating kaleidoscopic versions of reality
carry the zero, divide by infinity
consciousness electrified
wonder what we fit inside
intricacies we memorized
disappear before our eyes
the books you read that don’t exist
the times you thought you broke your wrist
the rabbit holes that you dove down
when you’d find something sketchy out
it lead to nowhere every time
it made you think you lost your mind
not paranoid that the world will end
just pretty sure it already did
endless cycles, time’s a loop
glitching out inside your room
hope they never know we know
know you’re never all alone
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7. |
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Redveil:
white flag on my black brother,
his corpse laying cold in the driver seat.
devils took his privacy and traded it for silver bullets.
now it feel like ‘92, a nigga tryna fight the heat.
actually it feel like ‘55 when they told us lies.
acted it like it was fact cus science a common disguise for bigotry,
like when they try to shit on trans communities we stand in solidarity.
i understand adversities you face.
growing up i got the talk but not the one you got.
i’m talking one that told me stay in my place.
as a black man don’t talk back or move the wrong way
or give a cop an excuse to blow your brains away.
it hurt me but the truth cut and sting like a razor blade
so now i’m paranoid when i step foot in a white state
but i feel like i shouldn’t, this shit just fucks with my brain
sell us drugs to help us cope with the pain,
my nigga
yeah
all the drugs and i ain't coping yet
wallow in sorrow and drown in it
that's my epithet
nigga i'm broken
patch me up and stitch it like joba
i ducked some red flags so i could fill a void in my soul
and i fucking regret it like everyday
but i'm still i'm breathing i'm cheesing to throw em off of
my wrist bleeding
i'm fucking
but i still feel the fucking same
that i felt 2 years ago when nobody knew my name
i got more distractions so i guess that i'm cooling
niggas ain't really rapping, this music just therapeutic
and black culture the fashion, and look, its also the music
if you white and offended,
nigga that was the whole point
redveil, i’m in the pocket like a rolled joint
i'm stealth, my record stainless like the rims on a rolls royce
try to silence me, this silencer gon change yo whole voice
setting trends, they copying
y'all niggas making no noise
like the keys now
bitch
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8. |
The Frizzies
02:14
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9. |
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sweaty finger tips, tin foil rips
early exits to this trip
the blotter’s just
one with your tongue now
you’d float in
to the sun if it was
something life allowed
stagger
your way into the universe
but make sure
everyone else
is okay with it first
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10. |
Suffer Baby!
04:16
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suffer baby
you’re just scared you can’t fall asleep
“no one likes me”
no wonder you’re suffering
you’re not dying
so get my body out of the summer heat
underlying
fear that this is my last time in the back seat
butterfly smeared on the windshield
of the jeep and you’re not quite sure how you feel
that drive through arizona was your own personal hell
every hitchhiker was another former version of yourself
holding your breath underwater
cause they doused the lake in gasoline
watching the shadows the flames cast
illuminating sunken shapes in your dreams
what’s your favorite point of view?
mines the one where i know everything
except what to do
when shit goes wrong and i stare at my shoes
no one can fix your problems
or what’s in your head
some things need confronted
some need left unsaid
the whole world ain’t out for anyone;
the world just is
and it’d be a whole lot of empty
if you didn’t exist
you were only waiting on your happy place
got trapped in an endless game of pong
they only wanted to wear your face
what are the whispers in everlong?
came to the forest for solitude
never intending to get barbecued
all the words you speak are misconstrued
yourself’s a shitty thing to lose
and anywhere you are is such a
terrible place to grow up in
18 years of finding all these things you love
then hiding almost every single one of them
don’t get so caught up in finding heaven
you end up in hell
please just let me out
i don’t like this route
every single bump
makes me wish i’d jumped
clockticks and heartbeats,
the blood on the car seat,
you’re the seven minutes before
the brain shuts down completely
destination’s burning up
this journey goes on without us
Shiloh seems to remind you
you never have a fucking clue
“oh god damn i can’t cope with being me”
magical carousel of personal mythology
where there’s no such thing as time,
we just exist in entropy
sensory overload, a different reality
where you’re not controlled by irrationality
it’s so easy to compare your lives
if you can keep in mind, we all get scared sometimes
eternally exist in the present
and be more than simple segments
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11. |
Imaginary Colors
04:45
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i still think you’re still golden
the glow doesn’t dissipate
(nostalgic, neurotic, and lost)
moments once frozen
unearthed by a molten rage
(but at what cost)
i don’t need a little piece of paper on my tongue
to feel self-aware anymore
or at home in my own awful body
so much life is happening you can’t ignore
liquids changing state
getting colder just like you were
til they’re suspended in space
four tabs of acid, interstellar
along the screen
til it starts dissolving into reality
they just made you feel like
imaginary colors
that you’ve only seen on acid with
closed eyes
sometimes it’s a nightmare inside of a dream
your paradise
isn’t isn’t even real but think of all the things
you’ve wanted in your life
and kiss them goodbye
a major disappointment that will always let you down,
might have learned to swim but never got taught how to drown
a major disappointment that will always let you down,
might have learned to swim but never got taught how to drown
are these even thoughts
that i could call my own
i’ve been haunted by
too many demons and ghosts
prophetic exchanges, GREAT
but nothing ever changes shape
caught in anxious loops again
grinding teeth, when will this end
always been nonchalant i guess
send a thank you card to miss emotionless
for making you feel so hopeless
and burying your nose in the mess
the midwest towns you held on to,
the illinois winters that made you blue,
misery you overthrew,
their cloudy eyes, a grayish hue
wanna say more but all the comes out
is “what the heck” and they just stare at your mouth
“is something bothering you today?”
shake your head no and say “i’m A OK”
freaked out and said it’s cool when everything was hot
fell down the stairs when they told you to kick rocks
owen wilson reminds you to wash your clothes
goodnight nobody since i’m all alone
turaga vakama would warm me up
if i put him back together or had better luck
find the dragon balls and make a wish
calling shenanigans cause everyone’s still full of shit
got the seahorse blues in your happy place
the moonwalking champion becomes a disgrace
sitting on your porch when the flares start to occur
run away from everything in this toadstool tearjerker
i really liked this but i hated the memory
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12. |
Luminous, Abysmal
04:00
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nice one
just go
further away so nobody will know
lost in blue
lipstick
and you cut your lip on a new toothpick
that you pulled
from your car
cause your sense of impending doom’s
a work of art
get crushed
under the weight
of the world that you carry,
the world that you hate
you see what you want to
but no one that wants you is around
your past only haunts you
cause nothing from it can make a sound
setting scenes
the gasoline
it drips right from the ceiling
i before we
“except after me”
what will this become?
“burn my forests down”
to the fucking ground
nightmares with lakes of fire
where you always drown
the loop begins again
never any end
to our unwatchable reruns
explain to them what a liar is,
then tell them they are one
just trying to get smokey the bear’s attention
explain to them what love feels like
and tell them they aren’t in it
and that everyone they know is full of shit
dissonance in the statements
that fill my ears and surroundings
extends to somnolence around the trees
so ethereal sounding
serious demeanors standing in the fucking rain
subtle seems the tornadoes breeze swirling around me
setting scenes
so perfectly
live in daydreams
for an eternity
you wish for it so quietly
and some day it’ll come
you adore the rain
and everyone
the moon
and when you fall in love
you wanna be alive and free
so what are you scared of?
sometimes you just have to run
but you’re always past square one
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The Acid Flashback at Nightmare Beach Hillsboro, Illinois
JAZZ FROM
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE.
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billy is a genius producer and the lyrics on this album make me like music.
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